I am a big, big girl in a big, big world

Yesterday watched 'Sex & The City'; the episode where Miranda gets married and Samantha tells everyone that she has cancer. If you watch this show with the understanding that it's a different culture altogether, you can appreciate the little nuggets of wisdom that are sprinkled across the 30 minutes. But if it is just about the 3 letter word in its title, then there's really nothing much you can glean.

Anyways, this post isn't about that. In this episode, Miranda says, "You're my people," to her 3 friends. I've always dreamt of similar scenes. Of sitting with 'my people' in a coffee shop, discussing life and love, laughing and hugging; just being there. However, it is always just a dream. Now the 4 of us are in 4 different corners, each with our own ball of string to play with , get tangled in or knit. We barely get to talk, much less meet. And I miss them dearly.

I don't exactly remember how or when it happened. Well, who needs such trivial details? All that mattered then was that we were together. The 4 of us: Princess Dee, Kan, Pdp and Moi. The 3 Musketeers and their Sarcastic South Indian friend. Dee and I lived in #511 with ~V while Pdp and Kan shared their abode in #514 with Dvani.

Ours wasn't an ideal group where if you rewind and play, you will see 4 girls laughing and munching popcorn or riding their battered bicycles towards the Insti, in black& white. Or in technicolour. But there were moments of sublime tranquility where a tired mind always found a lap to rest; of unbound love where a broken heart regained its strength; of unbridled enthusiasm where extra miles were trudged just for a glimpse of a known face under the pancake, speaking an unknown tongue.

I want to relive those moments. I crave for the simplicity of the equations, quadratic or not. Everyone was just a knock away to hold, to laugh at, to scream and to advise. Even in that infernal 3rd year when relationships were strained and stretched to the limit, there were soft edges and gentle creases that made one smile and feel cherished.

--> Like the night when the powers went out before our compre. I was one disappointed wreck who didn't receive a decent intern station and Kan sat up all night by my side with a fan in her hand and caressed my head till I fell asleep, tired of crying.

-->How we all cuddled up in my room(#140) and talked and recorded 'Aaja mere gaadi mein beit jaa" in various voices in a small tape, till my backie(the girl in the back room or the front room, depending on where you look at it from) screamed at us to shut up. The tape, btw, is with you Dee, hopefully :)

-->Sneaking in trays of food from the mess to avoid the crowd, and sitting atop rajais and munching rotis with prawn pickles that parcelled their way from Goa.

-->The lunches in Golden Dragon, Cnot, ordering plain rice, chilli chicken(along with the cans of tuna that Dee's mom bought for us) and feeding each other, making sure the other person is stuffed and trying hard to pedal back to hostel safely on stuffed tummies.

-->Standing outside Pdp's door and knocking nonstop, barging in and giving her piece of your mind and then doing the same act next week, making her gang up with the other 2 and wait outside your door.

-->Trying our level best to educate Kan and increase her Pondy IQ and failing miserably at that.

-->Cycling to an until then unknown Ceeri bakery and ordering our first cake for Dee's b'day. Waiting for that insomniac to go to sleep and decorating her wall with streamers while taking care not to step on her.

-->Pdp and I, sitting on chairs outside the bathrooms, washing Dee's clothes before her Big Play and giggling to ourselves at her 'garments'.

-->Pampering Pdp so that she gives a warm massage.

-->Listening to Bryan Adams' "C'mon c'mon" song, making Kan the Queen Mother and rushing to her for advice.

-->Trying to make Kan and Dee undestand how 'one hour breaks' are essential between study hours, failing which staying awake till 4am preparing for an exam and falling asleep on the table.

-->Bickering and crying and then walking back into Dee's room to 'borrow' a top that would fit me better than her.

-->Spending 8 hours in the mess to bake our first cake. And then graduating to making biscuits and macaroni within an hour.

Four years of memories can't be packed inside a capsule. But on certain days, when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, when you see the dark lining on every silver cloud, when your head aches and heart throbs, you but wish the four girls can be...together, for a moment.