Thursday, May 25, 2006

Writing Workshop - X

Prompt: 'State of Mind'

The Living Dead

One moment you're lounging in sunshine and the next moment dark clouds appear out of nowhere and overwhelm you, drenching you in a downpour that has no plans to let up. You sit in the same spot, hug yourself for warmth and stare at the void in front, wondering if the rainbow would ever peek out.

How many hours do you sit like that? 2 mins? 3 months? A few years?. The only truth being that 'few' can be anywhere between 2 and 20. Why do we act so? Why do we retreat into a cocoon after every heart break, disappointment and failure? Do we firmly believe that we would emerge from that cocoon as a beautiful butterfly with myriad colourful patterns on our new wings? Would those wings help us scale new heights with a born-again freedom?

Somehow that never happens. For all the birthdays and anniversaries we missed owing to our short-term memory, our past is one emotional roller-coaster ride that we remember right down to the blue cap of the boy in the 4th row who hid our view of prized possession. The surprise encounters, the funny flips the stomach made, those chance touches, wistful smiles that made the heart lurch...everything plays before our mind's eye like a movie.

Some of us walk out of the hall, remember a few light moments and move onto the day's activities. A few others reminisce about the movie for weeks and months after, re-playing it and having new ideas on how certain scenes should have been tackled. An enlightment that arrives much after Buddha has left the Bodhi tree. Sooner or later, they too return to what one has repatedly called Life.

And then there are those souls that never leave the hall. Souls that retreat into the darkest caverns of the mind with their treasure of memories to give them company. Away from prying sunshine and soothing breezes, one lies forgotten but living in the memories that envelop every waking cell. Slowly the winning smile wanes, the eyes shrink back and one sees but the ghost of of an once admirable soul, wasting years thinking about wasted opportunities.

And there in those deep caverns, one transforms from a beautiful angel to an emotional Gollum, holding tightly to precious memories, leading an empty life. Chained to an irreconcilable past, one waits, oblivious that all one needs to do is to let go and step out into the Light.


Blogger RT said...

Wonderfully written! But I guess one never walks out into the light entirely, one just ends up leaving and re-visiting the hall multiple times as life takes one thro the emotional roller-coasters.

7:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your post touched every bit of me:)

5:12 PM  
Blogger littlecow said...

I doubt that things are ever that bleak. Disappointments bring with them a complete change in perspective caused by an unexpected outcome. Its this change that is hard to bear, hard to incorporate into a carefully planned life (but come to think of it, it was quite unplanned as the disappointment was never included in the plans!).

Thats when one isolates, ruminates, to let everything fall into place logically (it always seems to!?), and emerge from it a little bit better than before. One can never be the person that we were pre-event but then, we do have the paths of memories to walk and cherish.

As for the crushes that could have become something else, isn't it simply wonderful that we had the crush in the first place?! :) Nothing sucks the life out of me more than regret. Thankfully, one does not have to carry too much of this burden anyways!

1:57 PM  
Blogger Cacophoenix said...

Missing you!!!

11:31 AM  
Blogger Kumari said...

@Rt: I guess we never really master letting go :)Thanks.

@Dee: Well, am glad it did :)

@LC: Maybe not. But sometimes, some end up walking memory lanes more than the presnt avenues and that's when it goes downhill. One can accept change, go with it and at some point when that also brings a share of disappointments, that's a moment when the heart regrets. At least that's my opinion :)

Aah, crushes are sth, one should never regret. that's fun stuff! :)But no, not always does the heart think" am glad it aleast happened". Most often, it is, "Why didn't it last forever?" :)

@Cacophoenix: Awww! Am back :)

9:57 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home