Sunday, April 23, 2006

Mishka’s Bubble Bath














Chapter 1 : A Surprise Visit
Morning dawned crisp in the Silvana Woods, just like Mom’s freshly baked cookies. Mishka was outside her little cottage reading, when Pashkin came to visit with gingerbread and honey. Mishka and Pashkin were grizzly bear cubs and the best of friends.

“Hello Mishka!”
“Good Morning Pashkin.”
As Mishka munched the gingerbread, Pashkin settled comfortably on her couch and closed his eyes. After a few moments, he jumped out of the couch.

“What happened? Did a bee sting you?” asked Mishka, seeing him jump.
“No, I have an idea! Let’s go meet Anya.” Anya, their friend, was a duck who lived by the shores of Lake Ronja. “We could swim, catch fish and have a party …” Pashkin stopped and looked at Mishka who had gone silent.
“Do we need to swim?” she asked, softly.
Pashkin laughed loudly and joked, “Mishka, you are the only bear in Silvana to be afraid of water. C’mon, this would be fun.”
Soon they were on their way to Anya’s house, their swimsuits neatly packed in a small basket, along with a bottle of the tastiest honey in the entire Silvana. You just can’t drop into meet friends without a bottle of yummy honey.

Chapter 2: A swim, few fishes and a wild adventure

Within minutes they reached Anya's beautiful white cottage. As the other two jumped into the lake, Mishka walked slowly and finally sat on the shore. Pashkin was doing back strokes; Anya dove into the lake and resurfaced with a fish in her beak.
“How could anyone dislike a swim?” It was Anya.
“But the lake is cold. I won’t get in.” said a stubborn Mishka.
“Idea!” shrieked Anya and waved to Pashkin who swam back immediately.
“Let’s go to Goldie’s house. It’s Sunday and they won’t be home. We can sneak in and use her tub. Ready?” Mishka knew she had no say and the trio quickly ran across the fields towards Goldie’s house.

Chapter 3: The Magic Ingredient

The adventure of Goldilocks and The Three Bears was common legend in Silvana. It took days to pacify Little Bear. Goldie’s family moved to the suburbs to avoid meeting Little Bear. When they reached the house, there wasn’t anyone home. They quickly jumped in through the window. Goldie’s room was beautiful with fairies painted on the walls and stars on the ceiling.

“Yippee!” screamed Anya and pulled Mishka inside the bathroom. There was a huge white bath tub against a yellow wall filled with flowers and hearts. In the corner, stood a shelf lined with various colorful bottles. Above the tub was another window decorated with potted plants. Pashkin started to fill the tub with hot, steaming water..
“Climb in,” ordered Anya. Though small, when Anya used her grown-up voice, there was nothing much one could do but obey. Mishka gingerly put one paw inside.
“Ouch. That’s hot.” she shrieked.
Anya added cold water. An uninterested Mishka climbed in, and sat huddled in one corner of the bath tub.

“Time to add the magic ingredient,” winked Anya. Pashkin and Anya picked up bottles of blue and purple crystals each and poured the contents into the tub, turning the water, a bluish purple.
“What did you do?” screamed Mishkins.
“That’s the secret ingredient which will dissolve all fears.”

The trick worked. Slowly Mishkins moved away from her corner and began to play with her bubbles, spilling them everywhere, while Anya sat on a chair and sang. Pashkin added more crystals, turning the water a reddish, greenish blue color. Suddenly they heard the sound of a car pull up.
Chapter 4: The Great Escape
Pashkin peeped through the window. It was Goldie’s family.
“We might get caught. Let’s go.”
But Mishka was lost in her own world of bubbles. ”Look! I can do back stroke,” she shouted excitedly. ”Shh. Now get out of the tub. We need to go.” whispered Anya. Pashkin who had climbed onto the window sill, urged them to hurry.
With great difficulty Anya pulled Mishka out and they escaped through the window and ran home. “Wow! That was one awesome adventure. Joining us for a swim, Mishkins?” asked Pashkin. “Join? I’ll race you and Anya.” Her friends grinned and hugged their little Mishka.

Ever since, the folks of Silvana always found the three friends playing in Lake Ronja. As for Goldie, she could never prove to her Mom that it wasn’t she who emptied all those bottles of crystals and made the bathroom float on bubbles.

10 Comments:

Blogger div_viv said...

Cute story.

Suggestions:
Maybe you could split it into 3-4 little continuous stories, or chapters. It may be too long for little ones to read at a shot?

U used "predicted" - maybe a little heavy. I'll look out for any other toughie words.

I'll imagine reading and explaining this story to Vaibhav next year :D

Kumayee, so write something for Vaibhooooo

1:29 AM  
Blogger pagala'k' said...

Hey...
I dont have kids and I am in no hurry :)- so, I am trying my best to go back to my five foot-8 year old self and comment on this story-

first things first if your readers (kids) are going to have a vocabulary as good as mine then some of the words you used might be a little heavy as the previous commenter pointed out. basking, turqoise, cluttered

Secondly, please think of 8 year old boys too- daffodils, dandelions :). With that being said, I am not too sure of the things that I liked when I was a kid- but I do remember that I never had the patience to watch winnie the pooh and always preferred watching "Captain Planet" and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"

Thirdly, it takes sometime before we get to know that mishka, pashkin are bears. If the story is strictly meant for kids then the narrative style could be a bit more direct.

Finally, the story was cool and I liked the names of the places and characters.I might be totally off key with my comments because I am not in touch with the younger generation :). And I have to admit that post-Harry Potter kids are not exactly as dumb as I make them out to be so I may be wrong.

4:54 AM  
Blogger Ratna said...

Kumari: Since I am a grown up, I will pass the judgmental part (it is hard you know). I gave it to Vin, for his reading assignment today and asked to write his review and suggestions. He asked me, if he can write some enquires. I said this is just a story so keep it minimal. I was afraid , he might ask like what happened next day or something.

Also, I sent the story to his teacher and asked her if she can give it to her students and see if they can review it (only if their schedule/ time permits)

12:43 PM  
Blogger Kumari said...

@All: Thanks a lot :) I've taken all your suggestions and trying to incorporate them into the story.

@Divya: I am trying to simplify the story now and will break it into chapters too :) As soon as Vaibhoo starts reading, he will be bombarded with all my stories :p

@Pagala'k': Thanks so much for such an elaborate comment.

Vocab point taken into account. Will modify.

As kids we would sometimes do sth nice for our friends and I wanted to make Silvana completely different from human expectations. Tho', I guess, i did fall into certain traps :)

Ok, that was my mistake. The story was developed from a picture. Will post the pic to aid understanding the scene better :)

You aren't really off key plus thanks a lot for taking time to pen all ur suggestions. I did try to make it close to the books i read in the kids' section of B&N :D

@Ratna:*hugs* Thanks a ton. That was indeed too sweet of you to do. Vin can ask any uestion, the author will do her best to answer it keeping within the parental guidelines :) And someone who blows birthday horns inside a water glass is "kid" enough to judge the story ;)

10:23 PM  
Blogger Ratna said...

Picture is indeed a thousand words. I feel so better now with a picture and the chapters:)

Vin's comments: that was very good! How do you make stories like that?

8:11 AM  
Blogger Kumari said...

@Ratna: And I've also cut the story to half it's length, so I hope that helps too :)

To Vin: Thanks a ton. I think of kids like him and try to tell them a story :)

9:45 AM  
Blogger RS said...

With more illustrations, the story will definitely hold a child's attention...but other than that, wow, never realized this would be almost as hard as writing a story for grown ups! I cant come up with any other constructive comments :(

8:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All I can say is that I'm adding this one to the collection that my kids will reaad!!! :)
i guess you had already made the changes adn it's now already in a kiddy-friendly form. Neway, I was so engrossed in the story, that I forgot to look at it from a kiddy's point of view :)

8:49 PM  
Blogger Primalsoup said...

Hello K Aunty,

I am liking your story much. I like it more with the separate chapters you put.

I am liking Mishka. I also want to eat gingerbread!

Thank you.

PS: What exactly is 750 odd words? Are you cheating? You evil person! :)

10:44 PM  
Blogger Kumari said...

@RS: Thank you :) As for illustrations, I guess that would come only when I find a Publisher bakra :p

@Sandy: Oh yesh!That would be wonderful, to be approved by Little Sandys, whenever they make their appearance :p

@Soups: Muchos Gracias, li'l one :p
Evil Person? Eshus me, you are evil, calling me K Aunty when i am yet to age beyond 12 :D

10:47 AM  

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