Monday, February 06, 2006

Proverbs gone bad

How does one handle happiness?Especially if it concerns a friend's? How long are you allowed to revel in it before you let envy set in? And why is it wrong if you feel jealous? Isn't bitter sweet a taste too?

Which is why I never wanted to grow up. As a kid, it's ok to feel bad at your friend's good fortune. If her dad got her the toy she dreamt of and your dad invented reasons to avoid it, it was accepted norm to cry. It was normal to grudge your friend for having got her way. Your friend didn't think low of you and after the disappointment over her new toy wore off, you were best friends again.

But now, as an adult, you can't do that. Hell No! You have to be nice, diplomatic and extremely happy for your friend. You have to celebrate with her. Which you don't mind doing if you can just vent those pangs of jelaousy. Instead you are forced to hide those grudges behind a mask of million dollar smiles. Always.

The repercussion? You never forget your disappointment. Coz you never really brought out those negative feelings. It lies deep inside...deep but alive enough to affect every moment of your life. Every time you look at her smiling face, you close your eyes, hide those feelings behind a veil and smile back at her with empty eyes. Empty.

Empty vessels make more noise. For a reason.
Who is listening?


Anonymous F e r r a r i said...

Am listening :-)

2:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its this accepted thing;everyone does it,to everyone! n yet u feel gud abt another person sharing ur joy!?!
ammukuttz (p.s.i think ur comments page hates me! :(

5:14 AM  
Blogger Vincent said...

Hi Kumari, :)
Let me guess, your friend either got married or found "true love"!

@ferrari , Frasier? :D

5:20 AM  
Blogger jax said...

To answer your question at the beginning, give your jealosy some outlet and tell me all about it. Hey, I am *your* friend, I'll be on your side!

8:58 AM  
Blogger Kumari said...

@Ferrari: Glad you are. Amam, ungalukkaga kashtapattu Thamizh poem potta, evlo kevalama irukkunu solradhu illaya? :p

@Ammai: Screw Blogger. For once in my life, my inspiration and i dance to put up so many posts and blogger wreaks havoc :( Aah, well you do feel genuinely happy for your friend but still i think there will always be a small pang of disappointment. I guess that's only human :D

@Vincent: Wrong answer dude! :D

@Jax: Hahaha...i don't know why but everytime i read that *your* friend part i laugh :D Next time i feel J about someone, rest assured you will get the first call :)

10:45 AM  
Anonymous saravanan said...

Hi Kumari,

I landed in your blog while bloghoping and tell you what, you really pulled me in. I read your archives (except the long novels :)) and you got such a skill to express everything in words very nicely. Really enjoyed it and your blog landed in my favourite list. Keep up the good work and Thank you very much for sharing your experiences.


7:16 PM  
Blogger Madhooo said...

As human beings, I don't think we can ever be free of jealousy, anger or any other neagtive quality. It is just that we will have to let the positivities rule over the negativities. We will have to let that sheer joy for your friend surpass the jealousy.:)

11:57 PM  
Blogger KoPoS said...

that is where my wordpress account comes to help. write all you want to rant/write/crib on a piece of paper/post, hide it somewhere else for a long time, and then when you read it later long afterwards and laugh at it, just burn the paper or delete it.

'tworks very well for me! :)

4:39 AM  
Blogger Primalsoup said...

It is human to feel jealous. I t shows a healthy form of evolvedness! :D
As long as jealousy doesn't lead to acts of violence (fantasizing violence is okay), all is fine!

7:39 AM  
Anonymous incredibly me said...

hehehe @ kumari, :-). I love this topic..

I guess envy is a natural virtue of many women "not all, i repeat, not all".

I will quote this song from an old B/W movie...
"aduthaathu ambujatha paarthela, aval aathukaarar..."


Kudos to blogger and co-comment.

9:59 AM  
Anonymous incredibly me said...

May be jealousy is a wrong word. ;-)

10:02 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

Envy is normal. Envy is good. Means you aspire to do better. But keeping it closed up within and pretending to be happy while you are happy but could be happier is hard and hurts noone but yourself. I guess it would be better for everyone if people could tell their friend this is how i feel. But easier said than done.
agree life was so much simpler as a kid!

12:50 PM  
Blogger Archster said...

yeah...jealousy is the most undesirable feeling. and its so uncontrollable.

1:37 PM  
Anonymous Dubukku said...

Which is why I never wanted to grow up.
-- Same feelings here. Kidsaa vee irundha evalavu prechanai illama irukkalam

12:26 PM  
Blogger Kumari said...

@Saravanan: Thank you and welcome aboard. Gosh you must've had incredible patience to sift thro so much :)

@Madhooo: I guess it won't be a negative quality if we found non-judgemental outlets :)

@Kopos: Too much effort to start another blog elsewhere now. I just scream in the shower :D

@Soups: I agree. What would we do without the navarasa? :p But WMD is good too, at times.

@Inc.Me: And why is jealousy a wrong word? Most women???? And you mean to say men are virtuous enough to not envy any other man with better house, car or wife??? Sigh, jealousy is bad but what is worse is making it a sexist quality infesting just girls :(

@M(TSU): I know, life was indeed simpler then. LIke i said, we need non-jugemental outlets for such feelings. Then it wont hurt at all :)

@Archster: So true.

@Dubukku: Glad you agree too :) Pesama, unga ponnungalayum kootittu vaanga, naama kalla manna vilayadalam :D

2:31 PM  
Blogger pagala'k' said...

Earlier it used to be uncomplicated, I always looked forward to the food. But offlate yes, in addition to eating the free food, you also get thoughts of "when am I going to do something similar".

Reminds of a conversation that I had with one of my friends in grad school...and he even coined a term for it...


3:37 AM  
Anonymous Incredibly me said...

The people "i have met" and been with so far, have been reflecting the qualities described below.

Guys "mostly" never want to copy others things but possess something unique, but in contrast its opposite in girls. Thats envy and not harmful.

If a person is successful at work for example, "most" guys feel very unsecure and agitated. In contrast girls also reflect such qualities but less than guys.

The general quality shown by the female sex is always to protect and hardly shows any agression and i think jealousy is a sign of agression.

So coming to the point, jealousy as said is very bad and quite harmful.

So always guys get into lot of trouble and girls get in to a lot of talk.

I said jealousy was a wrong word to describe the qualities possesed by girls. I thought its envy.

But sure, now a days i am hearing that many Mega serials have characters of jealous women.

2:05 AM  

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