Monday, April 12, 2010

Trying to shout...silently

It's not that I don't visit this page. I login every single day, write a paragraph and then diligently delete it letter by letter. Everything sounds so contrived and forced, of late. Am I writing for my pleasure or for an audience?

I guess that's the problem with blogs. It all starts with you and then slowly the lines blur and it morphs into a being kept alive solely for an audience. Or maybe not. I don't know.

Did I tell you I am caught in intricate web spun by an illusion I so lovingly created?
Well, now you know.
Most days all I want to talk about is how funny and beautiful the world looks when seen through the eyes of an exuberant toddler. She is more witty than I imagined she would be, making us laugh even when all we ever want to do is tear our hair out and run far away from the mess.

I would love to talk about the way my heart flutters everytime The Blob kicks, be it for Dora's voice or Mayalou's laugh. Or simply because Amma decided to sit instead of walk around 24/7.

By the time I try to choose between the stories I have running in my head, the moment passes me by and they cease to be the rest of the world atleast. So I remain silent.
One day, I might decide to wake up from this dream and tell it all.

For the moment, I plan to sit on the couch, watch Maye do her Robot dance while shouting "Amma padathe. Chidamakumayee padathe" and feel The Blob join the big sister in a new fangled version of the tap dance.

Labels: , ,