Prologue Or some such note:This was a short piece I wrote when I was doing internship(or PS as we say) in Bangalore with fellow Bitsian Maverick(His nickname of course) in 2001. We never got along and after the initial bitchy silent fights, we did decide to stop being fools and enjoy the rest of the time in office. During one such friendly spells, he proof read this article, corrected a few sentences and said it was 'Okay'. Mind you, not great but just okay :) We never talked after those 6 months and right now he is here in USA. Happened to see his snaps in a friend's album but never felt teh courage to say Hi. Wherever you are, I hope you've forgiven me for that 'kannada' movie audio cassette as gift :D
I slammed the phone down and ran as fast as my lanky legs would carry me to the fence. What I had heard on the phone right now had just tickled my brains; if brains could be tickled, that is, by what you hear from neighbours who live to your right. I ran to my fence and called out to Mrs.B, who as you might've guessed by now lives in that dowdy bungalow on my left.
As I leaned over the fence dreamily, I heard something that made me jump out of my skin (Well, figuratively speaking of course!). Have the Avians come all the way from Rama to give me the honour of listening to their recital? Or was it The Weird Sisters practising for the Witch Weekly Ball? In the moment it took me to organise my thoughts(Ain't really a thinking person so not many thoughts, you see!), I realised it was Whatsisname, Mrs.B's absolutely useless, not-to-mention ugly looking son, strumming his guitar. Thankfully he was part of one of the loudest rock bands in the locality; the noise the rest of the band made, subdued his 'music' immensely thus saving us all from a premature death. Jeez! My vocal cords are any day better than those abysmal chords of his!
Speaking of which, have you ever wondered why we don't have classes, like aerobics, for our vocal cords? I mean, they are darn important I say, giving voice to those innumerable opinions we have on whom Mr. So & So should marry or what Mrs. So&So&So should wear...Man! They are indispensable.
Why, I can already picture Mrs.B in one such class (She is the type that loves to attend classes and learn nothing) "Okay now, lift your tongue, let it touch the roof of your mouth and say 'Elle' " "Oh No! Mrs.B not Yellu, Elle...mmm" "We don't want to strain those vocal cords, do we? There...that's much better...on the cords and my ears. OK, let's meet tomorrow and learn all about Em. In no time you'll be able to say floccinaucinihilipilification with such ease, you'll feel as if you've said nothing at all!"
Me? Well, I have no use for these classes;Them vocal cords of mine are in an excellent shape, if I may say so. In fact, Mom always had this to say about them, "Shut up or they'll snap in two", which always elicited the same intellectual response from me, "Bah".
Who can stay put when you've heard from the horse's mouth that she spent an inexcusable amount on a custom designed water bed for her pet poodle? I cannot and would not stay quiet. I was still wondering how to convey the message with as much drama as possible when, Snap
! (Must've been a twig snapping under the weight of Mrs.B) I woke up from my reverie and saw Mrs.B approaching the fence. Hmpf! about time. My eyes goggling with excitement I opened my mouth to tell her the hot news...
...Just three words echoed in my head, "Snap in two". The rest was an explicable silence.