Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Through the third eye

We got married in 2005, right around the time when Anniyan hit the theatres. You know, how most poignant moments in movies have something dramatic associated with it to not-so-subtly point out its importance; like waves crashing against rock, thunder or 100 violins screeching nonstop.

Well, our married life didn't have any of the aforementioned. Though at times I think thunder and rain would have suited it quite beautifully. The only music CD I bought as I crossed the Atlantic was the Anniyan soundtrack, especially since it had a song to my name. Everyday after The Mr went to work, I would sit with a plate of toast and omelette and watch Becker re-runs on TV. Right after Becker, I would pop the Anniyan music cd, get into the kitchen and cook lunch. A simple meal of dal, rice and beans would take me a good 2 hours to cook as one had to spend 30 minutes between taking the dal and placing it in the cooker, reminiscing about Madras to an invisible husband.

It's less than 3 years since we've been married but The Mr claims it feels like 30. Can't blame him. When you're married to a woman who speaks dime to dozen any given minute and now you have a 3 month old who takes after her mom in that aspect, every second seems like a lifetime.

I digress. Anyway, the point of the post is, i don't have many photographs of our life in that one bedroom apartment. There was never an urgency coz there was always a lifetime to click snaps. But whenever I listen to Anniyan songs or hear the soundtrack of Becker, I feel myself looking in on our life then, as a series of snapshots in sepia tones; of a starry-eyed girl lugging 2 pounds of sugar and 2 pounds of flour up a steep climb to bake her newly-wed husband a birthday cake, waking up to the sound of birds and The Mr walking in with coffee, cuddling up on the bean bag, sitting on the floor and watching 'Anniyan' on the many moments made lovelier by a wonderful soundtrack.

Our voices.

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Thursday, March 20, 2008

Identity Crisis

I've been trying to write a blog about me for the past 2 hours. A post that does not talk about Maya, my motherhood or sleep-deprivation much less in the same sentence. All I could manage was that first line.

I've always wanted to remain Kumari. I told The Mr pregnancy doesn't take away Kumari. Motherhood is just another facet and it shall not rule my life. Or my blog.

The toothless smiles, the gurgles and the coos, soft kicks of her tiny feet, the way her little fingers hold onto my dress as I try to place her in her crib, her beautiful eyes and the way they light up when I pick her up, her cries for me....she is mine. All mine.

That is why this post makes no sense. Coz I realise, there is no longer any me left. I am all hers. I am Maya's mom and that's who I will be. Now. Always.

And you know what, it's wonderful just being her mom.

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