The "Excuse me! Kindly Adjust" Syndrome
Lunch time. It’s already 15 minutes past the usual gong but then Divya was caught in a frame of reference which was barred for me. You know there are two kinds of people – ones who spend their lives in meetings and others who spend their lives waiting for people who are spending their lives in meetings. I belonged to the latter. Damn! Double damn!
The queue would have put any self-respecting Anaconda to shame with its long, winding nature but then that is what is in store for people who dare rebuke The Lunch Gong! After an excruciating 10 minutes we finally managed to find two seats in the first floor of the FC and were happily eating our way through our lunch when the girl seated in the adjacent seat spoke. “That’s okay. We’ll pull up a chair and adjust. You sit here.” I looked around us and I could swear there was no empty chair right next to me. Unless of course, the girl was a seer who could predict the future and was able to see how we would leave the table in the next 15 minutes or so. Or better still, maybe he was a non-Muggle and with a gentle wave of his wand would draw a cushioned armchair to rest. I looked at him and much to my disappointment, I saw no wand. Just as I was munching my food and wondering how the gentleman-with-plate-in-hand is going to conjure up a seat between me and the other girl, I heard him speak. Darn these speeches, ain’t a damsel allowed to daydream during lunch in peace? “Excuse me! Could you please move and adjust a little”. Thus spake the man-with-plate-in-hand (there was nothing gentle about him anymore now that he had unveiled his intentions) with a smile.
Did anyone tell you that I am the cousin of Xena, the Warrior princess, twice removed? No? Good, coz I am not. But rest assured I can turn into a fire-breathing dragon when smiling people ask me to move my chair so they can squeeze their bulk into a non-existent space. I mean I do agree we are just dots in the cosmos but dots do vary in size and we are not all Big Picture people. And the place next to me could have sat just one thing – A Stick. Trust me, he wasn’t one.
I took a good few seconds (That is a relatively long time for us techies) to stand and give him an once-over. Dammit! NO lightning! Not even a burn mark on his shirt. Why aren’t people scorched by the sarcasm in my eyes anymore? Either I must be losing my touch or they don’t know such things exist! I’d rather believe in the latter.
My ordeal wasn’t over. After a lot of chair pushing and giggling (There was more of the latter than the former), the man was finally seated next to me. Against my wishes. I abandoned plans of returning to my dream and waited for the customary interruption. One. Two…Ten minutes. Silence. For all the ‘adjusting’ I did, there wasn’t a single Thank you. Tut! Tut!
This is just one of the many experiences I have had at our office cafeteria. Makes me wonder if I am really that attractive that people feel the need to sit next to me or is it just one of those quirky things they do – bug an innocent damsel minding her own goddamn business. Since this is my article, I think I’ll settle for the former this time!
Do you feel this is a highly egoistical perspective of a techie with nothing to do? Well, if you do I have just this to say “Excuse me. Kindly adjust!”