Bitter Verse

For some it is music and for many others it is canvas but for the artists sleeping inside a few of us, the only fodder is idea. For ages we craft, sculpt, chisel and work hard at it. There are many a wrong cuts and rough edges and yet we trudge on ungrudging in the hope of keeping the artist alive till Judgment Day.

And one day after sleepless nights and starry eyes gazing at the horizon, you have not an idea but an ideal…. an absolute that is not flawless yet completes you. Coz ideals are not the perfect embodiments of everything that is right rather it is just another version of you with all those little nicks and bruises.

The only problem with an ideal is that you never have the strength to reach out beyond the veil of reality and hold it…what if it isn’t there? What if it was just a figment of your imagination? Or what if your contact changes it and there no longer is an ideal…just a simple idea?

When Confucius calls, Zen takes leave and you decide to let go of your ideal and settle for an empty epithet… the catchphrase of the masses. You forget the ideal or at least lie to yourself that you have and continue your thesis at a completely different school of thought.

A maxim you don’t believe in at all and yet you quote it.
For better or for worse.

Classified Trivial

Wanted -- A soothsayer…to gaze into the crystal ball with me; To discern the clouds and give names to their shapes; To weave a story with those shapes and write a fairy tale ending;

~||~

I always believed I was one wise woman. I know my acts prove otherwise but still the word has ‘Wise’ and you are proved wrong. So now I am wondering if I should let that wisdom tooth surface or not. It has only made me wiser to the fact that a protruding tooth spells ill omen for soft cheek and right now, yours truly finds it really hard to chew food with my right molars as my right cheek is one sensitive piece of tissue. Sigh.

~||~

Saw ‘Main Hoon Na’ finally. I know it doesn’t talk much for a self-proclaimed SRK fan but then that’s the way the cookie crumbles. Anyways, I just realized how much closer home ‘Ullam Ketkume’ is when it comes to college life and attire. Main Hoon Na portrayed girls in minis and cropped tank tops. I know in order to hear the jingle of monies in the BO, one has to crinkle a few clothes and throw them out but still which darn co-ed college in India lets students walk inside like that? (I have heard my friends say that the dress code is non-existent in all girls colleges with Dads dropping girls in salwar-kameezes who later transform into some wonder women in skirts and halter neck blouses once inside those huge compound walls.) And now tune in to Ullam Ketkume where you couldn’t ogle at Pooja’s navel until the songs took over. Asin got rid of her salwar-kameez only to wear saris and Laila looked cute in her capris and short tops.
This is what I call a movie rooted in reality not 7G Rainbow Colony or Boys.

~||~

Yield to Temptations

Couldn’t resist :D




From Jax’s page

And the Winner is....

I am a BITSian, in case somebody didn’t make it on time when the curtains went up and the title song was screened and I blab non-stop. So it is only right that there is something like THIS to keep the faith in me alive and kicking.
Thanks Muchas Rathish and all you people who drop by and decide to contribute.

No Comebacks

How would you react if there was no ‘Backspace’ key on your keyboard?
Wouldn’t it get tuougher to write those politically and grammatically correct letters? The dumbfounding posts that leave the reader speechless?
Would newspapers be interesting without that white correcting ink? Won’t lawyers be having a field day with every Tom, Dick and Harry suing the other for being misquoted?
Would Little John really have the guts to hand over his Class 1 English paper where he had no eraser to correct the spelling of Mississisisippi without letting the teacher realize the change was the effect of a sneak peek at Little Lucy’s paper?
How will Ambujam Aunty react when she can’t rewind to her favorite scene in ‘Magalir Mattum’ and laugh one more time at Urvashi’s antics?

The reaction would be, in a word, catastrophic.
Yet we take this particular concept for granted. IMHO, this is in fact Man’s greatest inventions, much bigger than the satellite and a great deal more important as a life-safer than the safety pin. This is Man’s moment as he plays God.
If God really wanted us to have that option to go back and change our decisions, couldn’t Eve have just gone back to the point where Mr.Serpent meets her and walk past him without so much as a flicker of the eye towards The Apple? Wouldn’t we in that case still be living in one Big Garden of Eden? And our immediate worry would have been if maple leaves were worn around the waist or below to make a fashion statement.

But, mes cheries, that is not the case. You cannot go back to square one (unless you had an excellent partner for Square dance). Never. Not in this lifetime or the next. I can not walk back to 1989, to a classroom at No: 10, Ormes Road and say sorry to Timmy for calling him an idiot; I cannot rewind to Room: 140 in Pilani on Sep 28,2000 at 12 midnight to erase the sight of a closed door and weeping ~D outside; I cannot do a complete 180 degree turn and run back into my past and expect to meet dodo. It doesn’t happen that way. Man is not God. Period.

And that is why I HATE those darn erasers and rewind buttons and backspace keys. It gives you a heady feeling…makes you believe you can Right every damn Wrong; makes you want to remove every struck word, delete every profanity, wipe every tear and muffle every cry of pain. But you can’t. He can and he won’t.

This is a journey with no comebacks. No turning around. No return trips. You can just look ahead and walk and hope at the next turn there would be a basket of roasted peanuts.
And for heavens’ sake somebody burn those ^#@*ing erasers.

**Updated
In hindsight, i am glad we aren't able to go back to our past. I just watched Kate & Leopold and i realise what a bummer it would be if time travel did exist...coz for one we would all be so busy going 'back' we would just forget to look 'ahead'. I guess the pragmatic approach would be, like Jax said, to be doubly sure not to make any of those mistakes again and wiser would be not to regret what u have already done. And yeah, Hugh Jackman looks utterly, butterly delicious. No wonder Meg Ryan wanted to go back :D

Orey the too much

She is 9 years younger to me. But then no one will think so when they listen in on our conversations. Plus she being taller, slimmer and prettier than moi helped reduce the gap to almost 4 years. And the fact that we kind of look alike does nothing to prove we are second cousins and not siblings.

I was always this elder cousin who visited once a month on Sundays. Her bro being just a year younger to me was the preferred best friend; we always had loads to discuss and she was the 'baby sis' whom we let walk with us to Elliot's beach or bought ice cream with our pocket money and took to movies that we knew were 'right' for her...the kid for whom we played 'Monopoly' and dutifully lost or sat and made paper bags with and received with a HUGE grin of surprise those wooden blocks painted with 'Yin-Yan' pictures and the cute little stuffed toy key chains she made for our birthdays... our little princess!

That said i don't know when the nature of our relationship changed. Somewhere along that path at some poignant moment we met and she ceased to be a kid. The looking after did continue but the era of long phone conversations had begun. Conversations on everything under the sun --from fashion to how hot Brad Pitt was in Troy, plans to beat 'The bro' to pulp for not buying us enough new clothes to scheming behind my manager's back...everything two young girls would talk except that i didn't know how much i had NOT grown up till then :)

Now as i sit in a big home far away unable to close my ears to her "Oh my god i am so fat" scream and look at her sling her bag on her shoulders and walk to school or listen to stories about school and how mean 'Akka' was or what Kamala did...i just realise how much i miss that not-so-little girl.

Ammukuttz, Miss you...and the Dudezie too :p

Psst: Trying to download 'Hero' so i can sleep :D

Let the Battle begin

You fight with passion. You dont go around picking
fights. But when you do fight you tend to win.
You tend to let out your bottled emotions when
you fight. That is your secrect to success.
Your Weapon: Your body


How do you fight?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ullam Ketkume

I just spent the most wonderful 1.5 hours of the day...1.5 hours that can be split into 5400 seconds and if you further split those seconds into micro seconds you will find hidden in every micro second a smile, loud laughter, 'miss you's and 'love you's and silence that spoke volumes...volumes that can only be understood by friends.

One of my most wonderful treasures from a deserted barren land is this group - Pilani Tamizh Mandram. A smithy were many relationships were forged...relationships that will last a lifetime. (touchwood)

Lights! Camera! Action!

We were the 'All Guys' gang as Ugen puts it -- Kumaran(the idealist), Rathish(the thinker), Sundar(the director), Ugen(the manager), Bharath(the artman) and Me(the sentimentalist).
On campus apart from the one month we spent together putting up a wonderful show every semester, we rarely did hang out together. We each had our own 'private' gangs and though we did meet up often during birthdays and other social occasions, it was that ONE MONTH that made all the difference.

I can't think of any other group of men with whom i am as comfortable as i am with them. A sentiment echoed by Kums and Ug -- "I don't think i can ever be as happy as when i am with you all". No one can really say when it happened or how it all started. But it did and boy! am i glad it did. The 6 of us are completely different; in fact for all my tears and cries and tantrums, any other set of people would have walked off long ago.

When i got off the conference call with Ug, Kums, SSS, i felt so light headed and so elated that i immediately set to write this post. But half way down after i re-read all that i have written, i realise i can't do it. Nothing i can ever say will do justice to the camaraderie we share.

How can words tell you how my eyes light up when Ug walks up the steps of my home to pick me up? Is there a language to describe the peace that i have after i read a mail from Rathish when i am confused? Will anyone ever understand how much i admire Kums or how special i feel when he asks me to take care all the while keeping his emotions in check? Or how common it is to find me holding my tummy and laughing whenever SSS is around? And how wonderful it is to disappear inside Burry's bearhugs when depressed?

I don't think so. Hence i won't try. These moments are for me...for us to frame and hang along every corridors of the mind.
Thank you guys...for all that you are and for all that you aren't and for teaching me the difference. Love you all. Period.

To quote from Kirukalgal :
Nam
Ninaivil
Naan.

Song playing : Oru Maalai by Karthik from Ghajini :)

A Pebble in an ocean

I wanted to stop writing for awhile...to get the madhouse which is my mind put back in order. Push all those unwanted scraps behind that door, lock it and stuff the key inside a stinking sock and shove the sock under the bed...along with all those cobwebs decorated boxes.

But i decided to do that later coz someone comes here... someone i love, someone i consider my soul mate someone i've known for a lifetime, someone for whom i can stop whatever i am doing and be by their side if only i had the means to do so...

I miss you. I sincerely do. We had our troughs and crests but we bore them well and it is hard to think of a moment when i did not think of you. I know a silly post on a stupid blog doesn't set things right but i hope it at least tells you that there is this little girl who needs you by her side all her life. So don't you dare dream of a life without me in it. Period.

I feel helpless. I know you come here. You know it is YOU that i am talking about. And you also know that I am here for you no matter what. So reach out and take my hand for heavens' sake, idiot!

Remember you promised to send me your poems so we can publish our little anthology. So let's work on it. Love you.

Talk. NOW.

Lust

Eyes closed
Facing heaven;
Arms outstretched
Hugging nothingness;
Mouth open
Licking bruises;
Waiting breathless
For snow
In desert.


P.S: Been moved ever since i read Anu's 'She'. So decided to try my own and yes, those brickbats dont do wonders to my interiors so keep them aside :)
Reason for the title -- This is one of the meanings i found
Lust : Intense eagerness or enthusiasm: a lust for life.

Bloggers in the Capsule

• Angel - The Lady who packages enough profundity in her gibberish.
• Mahesh - He is busy managing Operations
• Little Mandoo Medusan - The fave BF who is battling Cogs presently
• Satyenveshi in Search of Truth - Multi-faceted Project Manager
• Venu's Movie Reviews - His movie blog
• Shub - Lady with a holy mission : Making world smile
• IdeaSmith - "The Woman"
• Manchus - New Mom on the block
• Jax - My stalker on a sabbatical
• M(TSU) - She quit blogging :((

Sexy, Bitchy, Naughty

1/3 is not great. Damn! It's not even good when that 1 appears to be Bitchy and not Sexy. I have a truckload of things to rant about but that would make this blog one of the most X-rated sites that you should stay away from and since i love having company especially when i am in a ranty mood, i'd rather not say half of what i want to say.

You know there is a God and you know He is playing His favourite ball game with YOU as the BALL when just a day after you call up your SPM to say that you are more than willing to give up your slot in the Visa process and also revoke claims on the Corporate Throne, you wake up to see the NewsFlash "H1B Cap Looms Nearer : 51,939 Cases Already Filed!"

What? And i wasn't even dropped a hint that such a thing would happen. This is not a fair ball game Mister God...and i shall make sure i enjoy every second of it however boring and claustrophobic i may get at home just to prove a point.
Wait a second. Prove a point? To whom? To Him?
Sigh. And to think if i had a clue about it maybe i wouldn't have talked to SPM in such an I-am-so-ecstatic-I-don't-need-to-work-for-you tone and would have settled for Don't-even-dream-about-office-without-me tone.

None of you shall recollect any proverbs. No Sir/Ma'am, you won't. So what should i do now? Or rather what can i do now?

• Sit at home and write cookery books and grow fat as a result of the experiment of recipes on self.
• Colour my hair a violet shade of red and join the local Orchestra and strain my vocal cords and the audience's ears.
• Keep bugging The Mr til he presents me with the tickets for a round trip around the world.
• Call up all Universities and check if they want a stupid Electrical & Electronics Engineer on their rolls for the Journalism class.
• Find out jobs as a storyteller to kids and elders alike.
• Write code for companies from home, on the sly and try my best not to get caught. Only catch here is i don't know to write code :(

Phew! I am spent. In case you have any idea of what i could probably could/should do, SHOUT!

Dead End

The door banged shut with such violence that her face stung. She stared at the door, wishing it would open and he would let her into his world. Minutes passed into hours and no change in the scenery.

She walked silently...her legs doing all the talking while her mind walked in circles. Before long she was there - the street she never thought she would enter. Again. The street she vowed not to remember...with those neon lights slowly fading into blackness and ivy creeping over the buildings...she forgot the locked door for a moment and tried to ressurect the street in front of her back to its days of glory.

And then she saw the wall...how could she have forgotten? This street lead to nowhere. She had tried to scale the wall, to break it but all that was broken was her resolve. She had walked away bruised. It just stood - A reminder of its strength and her lack of determination. The Dead End.

She turned back and re-traced her steps. No more looking at the buildings, no more recollecting promenades on the pavement or songs on terraces. She walked to the door. His door. It was still locked. He would open the door someday. Hopefully. She cuddled on the steps and slowly drifted to sleep. Life Begins.

Weekend Blogging

I hate it when nobody blogs over the weekend. I mean, doesn't anyone realise how important it is for some people who are sitting at home and wishing they were those people who didn't blog on weekends about whom certain people complained on their blogs while sitting at home?
Sigh

Anyways, am back with another sign of New England's love for something that is not Boston Red Sox -- Quotes!

"Before the invention of drawing board, what did they get back to? "

**--^^ ^^--**

Have u watched any episode of "The Beauty & The Geek"?

I did. Their final episode. And there was on stage this pretty, well- endowed blonde (the kind who makes every head turn wherever she goes) who was asked a very simple question :

"What is 18 +5+73" (I remember it coz i couldn't believe the answer she gave!)

Our lady is all flustered

"Damn, i don't have my cell phone " and starts counting using her fingers

"19, 20, 21, 22, 23...And then what?...oh 73"

"So 26 + " [A fellow Beauty corrects her. "It's 23"]

"Oh man, i can't do it. Give me a calculator."

Whaaaat? The girl is in her 20s and she can't count without her calculator? Is there some unwritten rule that only geeks should do Math in mind and not the rest of the country?

My kids are not studying here.Period.

**--^^ ^^--**

I am in love with "The Chronicles of Narnia" by C.S.Lewis. One of the best fantasy stories i have read. I finished Books 2, 3 and 4 in one sitting and now can't wait for the library to open on Monday so i can get the last 3 books in the series. I spent considerable part of my afternoon today opening wardrobes and closets to see if i can go to Narnia. Damn! the magic must have died :( [You must have realised by now what i meant by 'not growing up' :)]